WARNING!!!

This post contains spoilers about the recently released movie Batman: The Dark Knight.

If you wish to see a review that does not contain any spoilers, click here now.

If you wish to view a review that reveals the content of the movie, continue reading.

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I began to write this post about a week ago, but I never got around to finishing it until now, so my past tense may be a little off, but now you know why.

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So, I went to see Batman: The Dark Knight again last night, and I have to say : It’s still the FRICKIN’ AWESOMEST THING EVER!!! (I was a little tired from eating a lot of food before going to the theater, but a medium cup of fruit punch revived me) And now, for the complete review:

PARTS OF BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT THAT WERE AWESOME

#1: The Flawless Bank Robbery- Most movies based off of comic book characters begin by showing you how someone came to be, so I was expecting the movie to begin with how the Joker turned into the man he is. But to my surprise, the movie began with a pretty wicked bank robbery. As soon as that one guy shot the other guy on the roof, I knew that some serious stuff was going to go down. As the scene goes on, the robbers are shooting each other dead one by one; and let me tell you: I haven’t laughed at death so much since watching Gladiator in history class. My favorite guy dying: Robber #1 says “I guess Joker told you to shoot me, huh?” and Robber #2 ( who is Joker) says “No, I’m supposed to shoot the bus driver.” Robber #1 says “What bus driver?” and a bus plows through the wall of the bank and his Robber #1. It shouldn’t be so funny, but it was…

#2: [New] Gotham City- I was so surprised to see that for once Gotham City looked REAL!!! The director (I think it’s Barry Nolan, but I’m not too sure) was not afraid at all to show that Gotham City was modern day Chicago. Normally, GC has its gothic-esque architecture and the sky has a weird orangey-purple glow in the middle of the day. The new landscaping made the story so much more life-like and believable.

#3: Joker Meets the Mobsters- Best line in the entire movie: “Wanna see a magic trick? I’m gonna make this pencil disappear.” BOOM!!! “It’s gone.”

#4: Bruce Wayne is SO AWESOME- He took the entire cast of the ballet on a boat trip to cancel Harvey’s date with Rachel… and as an alibi ( I had to look up how to spell that), but more importantly to cancel Harvey’s date.

#5: Dead Batman Body slamming against the window- Yes, I jumped… and screamed. HOWEVER, I mention this part because it was here, when I thought to myself that maybe the movie was too intense for me. It was at this point that I realized 1) How ruthless the Joker is; 2) Heath Ledger is going to win an Oscar post-humanously; and 3) the Mayor wears guyliner (umm, why???)

#6: The killing of the Commissioner, Judge, attempt on the Mayor, and Murder (but not really) of the (at the time) Police Chief- so simple, yet so terrifying. The Joker is truly a criminal mastermind- or maybe the writer of this movie watch A LOT of CSI.

#7: The Big Car/Truck/Motorcyle Chase- Okay, the people of the SWAT are really stupid to go under the bridge. Joker has a really good sense of humor (“SLaughter is the best medicine”). But I have to say,the best part was definitely the TRUCK FLIPPING FORWARD!!! I’ve seen truck fall sideways and even make complete turns and land on it’s wheels, but NEVER have I seen a truck flip like that. Also, the Batcycle is a pretty sweet ride.

#8: The entire time when Joker was in jail- My favorite part of the movie. This scene actually made me cry (I’m not joking, even as I’m typing about this scene, a few tears are falling). The Guylining Mayor give Gordon the title of commisioner, and everyone claps – including Joker who is in his cell. Also, guy-with-stomach-pains is complaining about his stomach pains.

*INTERMISSION: My dad just called me. In the middle of the conversation, he suddenly told me to hold on because he was parallel parking and he’s not too good at it. Then he said, “Ugh!!! People are watching me!”. Apparently, two girls drinking lattes were waiting for him to screw up and hit a car, but he parked successfully, gave off a laugh of triumph and said “I’ve been on this Earth longer than you two put together; I think I know how to park.” Aah… the little victories in life are the best ones..

Well, Gordon interrogates (looked that up to) Joker a little and leaves the room- cue Batman slamming Joker’s head onto the table (too bad there wasn’t a pencil there). Then the biggie happens: Joker tells Batman that Harvey and Rachel are in trouble and only one of them is going to live. He gives the addresses and Batman rushes out of the room. Gordon asks Batman who he’s going to save. Batman- obviously – says Rachel. As the police and Batman go to save them, we see Rachel and Harvey, tied up to chairs in different buildings , each filled with oil barrels, talking to each other over a phone on speaker. Harvey, while trying to find a way out, falls over, knocks over a barrel and gets oil on his face. Meanwhile, at the jail, Joker is talking to that guy who’s always with Gordon about the people he’s killed; in addition; guy-with-stomach-pains falls to the ground and a few cops run over to see what going on. They run over to find a huge sew up scar on his stomach. The cops says, “Uuh, I think he’s got a contusion.” REALLY??? YA THINK???

And here’s when it gets really good. Batman storms into the building to find… HARVEY!!! The Joker switched the addresses around (I begin to cry in the theater; I have begun crying typing this post and keep in mind: I NEVER CRY!!!) and Batman, who thinks that he is saving the love of his life, has instead found Harvey Dent, the man she wants to marry. Harvey screams, “NO!!! WHY DID YOU COME FOR ME!!!” which Rachel hears on the speaker phone. A look of worry and disbelief strikes her face. She says, “Don’t worry, Harvey. It’s going to be alright”. At the jail, Joker has a knife to Gordon’s-lackey’s throat; Joker, calm, cool, and collected, says, “I just want my phone call”. He gets a cell phone, dials, and puts the phone to his ear. It is at this time, that we hear that horrible bone-chilling violin note that scared me so much I had to cover my ears like a five-year-old. A light is shown in guy-with-stomach-pains’ stomach and contusion-guy says, “It’s a cell phone?” REALLY?!?!?! YA THINK?!?!?! Then- Bombs everywhere: Stomach-guy blows up. Rachel blows up. Batman gets Harvey out of the building on time, but the heat from the building ignites the oil on Harvey’s face. (Tears were streaming down my face. I was also thinking why Harvey’s suit didn’t catch on fire either. The oil couldn’t have just hit only his face- but I just let that mistake fly). Joker unfazed by the stomach-bomb walks out of the jail.

#9: Harvey Two-Face’s Face- Really freaky. It was like… I didn’t want to look at it, but I couldn’t stop looking at it.

#10: Joker blowing up the hospital- This scene (though it was only about thirty seconds long) truly terrified me. He blows up some of the hospital and can’t seem to get it’s main center to explode. When he does get the the detonator to work, he jumps a little, and runs to the evacuation bus. The way this part was shot scared me. There he was, in the middle of broad daylight, out in the open, and the world is practically coming to an end behind him. Major kudos to the director for this scene.

#11: The Cellphone Sonar Machine- My friend came up with a joke about if Bruce Wayne had accidently spelt Lucius Fox’s name wrong, and every time Lucius typed in his name, it wouldn’t work. (I know that it sounds really stupid now, but trust me; the ten minute bit we came up with was pretty funny).

#12: The “Social Experiment”- I thought that in the last 30 seconds until midnight, that both of the boats were going to blow each other up. Then, when that prisoner with the really- REALLY-rEaLLy crooked eyes threw the detonator out the window, that the citizens would blow up the criminals. Then, I was actually kinda mad when that on guy on the citizens’ boat didn’t have the guts to blow up the other boat (All talk and no action… punk!!). Also, I had to cover my ears in this scene too because of that freakin’ violin.

#13: The End of the Movie- Gordon doesn’t trust Batman anymore. Two-face hold Gordon’s family hostage. Batman enters building. The Clowns are the hostages!!! (bee-tee-dubs: probably one of the best hostage situations in a movie that I’ve seen) SWAT is going to attack the clowns. Batman beats them all. He finds Joker. Batman has to fight off dogs. Joker pins down Batman. NONE OF THE BOATS BLEW UP- meaning that the people of Gotham City really are good people (so cliche…) Batman throw Joker off building, but catches him again. SWAT gets Joker (he doesn’t die; I’m guessing this is because they intended on making a sequel with The Joker as the main villain again). Harvey almost shoots Gordon’s son. Batman pushes Harvey. Harvey shoots Batman. Harvey dies (which is a shame… I kinda wanted his evil side to develop a little more). Alfred burns Rachel’s letter. Batman- the hero that Gotham deserves- dashes into the night. (SOOO MANY FREAKIN’ TWIST IN THE LAST TWENTY MINUTES!!!!!!)

To sum up everything, the entire movie was pretty awesome. Only 3 things I didn’t like: 1. Batman’s voice; 2. The Mayor’s guyliner; 3. The way Batman moved his mouth when he talked. But, I quickly got over them.

Whoever is writing Iron Man 2- let me just say: you have some pretty big shoes to fill.